Who am I?

Let’s play a little game, wherein I give you a bunch of clues and then you guess who I’m talking about. Ready?

• This person did some drinking last night.
• This same person, when he found out that one of the women with whom he was talking – a friend of a friend – was from Delaware, declared that “There IS no Delaware.” And that “Delaware is just a tax shelter. It’s the Cayman Islands of states.” And that she should “be from a REAL state, like Virginia” – the home state of our person in question.
• This person was not much kinder to the man who – mistakenly – admitted to being from Rhode Island. When our mystery person was informed of the man’s birthright, he asked, point blank why Massachusetts “didn’t just do everybody a favor and invade. I mean, honestly: If a tree falls in Rhode Island, does it make a sound?”
• This person, it should be noted, really had his A-game with him last night.

Today’s lesson: You may leave your guesses in the form of comments. The correct answer will be announced next week if the Mystery Person remembers to do so.