MP3 Friday: bears, Jews, and champagne

The end of the year means many things to many people. For the champagne industry, (whom I’ve always suspected of inventing “New Year’s”) it’s a boondoggle. For the Jews, it’s a time to keep your head down and not make any sudden moves.

(Incidentally, if you ever read the Jewish book “How to Defend Yourself During Christmas” and the Wilderness Guide “How to Defend Yourself During a Bear Attack” you’ll notice some striking similarities: For instance, Christians can climb trees, too. So, Jews, your best bet in case a Christian attacks is to scare it off by making a lot of noise -- say, about a lawsuit.)

The end of the year also means that this will be the last MP3 Friday until after the “New Year” (© Korbel). The dearth of records -- plus a week of presents and salty, salty Virginia ham -- will put a serious crimp in my duties as hunter/listener.

I hope you can survive.

Now, before we go on, let’s go over the rules:

• No touching. No chewing.
• No sweat if you’re the artist and you'd like the free link to come down .
• No guarantees how long these mp3’s will be up.
• And, finally, No Way have I listened to the albums, because No Way do I have the money to do that.

Got it? Good.

Now, shake hands, and let’s have a clean fight.

MUNK & JAMES MURPHY

Kick out the Chairs (replayed by WhoMadeWho)

Whatever the opposite of Perry Como is, this song’s got it.

VOXTROT

Warmest Part of the Winter

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn; Some Pot Grows in Texas. And all the while these Austin boys keeps chuggin’ along.

AFROMAN

Afroman is Coming to Town

This track comes from (Mr.?) Afroman’s “A Colt .45 Christmas”. And I think that’s all I need to say.

RACONTEURS

Steady as She Goes (acoustic)

Not everything Jack White touches turns to gold. Sometimes it only turns to silver. And boo-hoo for you because silver doesn’t match the dress you were planning to wear to the ball.

ALBERT HAMMOND, JR.

Postal Fish

I can’t see you personally, and yet I know what you’re thinking; “Albert Hammond, Jr? The Stroke? Have you lost it, HJ?” And, look, I’m just as surprised as you. But the song is short; it chugs along; and it hits the 17-year-old in all of us. And in a pass/fail world, I give it a pass.

Today’s lesson: Allow me to recognize the following blogs for the Re-Education of Hot Johnny:
Said the gramophone

Who killed the mixtape?

Work for it

I guess I’m floating

brooklynvegan

The Hype Machine
Thanks again. Be safe. And take care, Jewish People.

Bush write paper on stuff

With Bush needing yet another extension on his "new way forward", I feel like we're his college professor and every month there's a new reason why he can't hand the paper in. Think about it ...

• he's says he knows the deadline; he says he can meet the deadline; and then -- whoops! -- suddenly, it's deadline, and he can't make it.
• when he says that and we ask him, "Well, what sort of progress have you made," he hems and haws; and says that this is a big project; and that there's a lot to consider here; and he really wants to do it right; but if he's going to do it right, then he has to have more time.
• when someone gently suggests a strategy (or thesis) that's not his, he gets cranky and says that's not really the direction he wants to go -- though he's sure to mention that he appreciates the input.
• no one wants to say it, but you KNOW someone else is doing the work for him. but, frankly, you'd be happy if he'd just hand something in that's half way respectable, so we could all be done with it.
• and, finally, none of us should be surprised if, when we finally get to look at this white paper, the margins are narrowed, the spacing is tripled, and the president has typed whole damn thing in 14-point, Copperplate Gothic Bold.

Today's lesson: Oh, and block quoting. Lots and lots of block quoting.

The other Socratic method

When Socrates had no interlocutor to pose him questions, he would use a sock puppet who would then pose and answer questions to the great teacher. And if the sock puppet were a boy, Socrates would then have sex with that puppet.

And now, in honor of the father of western philosophy, I shall briefly indulge in part one of his Method. Enjoy.

John, I noticed you finally hung up a curtain over the window in your living room, the one that faces the air shaft between you and your next door neighbor. Although "curtain" is a bit of a aggrandizement, wouldn't you say?

Yes, I would say that "bed sheet" would be a more appropriate term, much as "nailed" would be rather than "hung".

John, this sounds, if you don't mind me saying so, "white trash"?

No, what you have here is the latest example of White Trash Chic. While, yes, it IS a bed sheet and yes it IS nailed to the window, the sheet is not an American flag nor dirty and white: It is queen-size (for a billowy effect) and it is burgundy (to match the split-pea soup green walls). And because it is also a new sheet, the original folds in it are still present and suggest the sort of straight lines you would find in, say, a Doric column in Greek architecture.

If you were to hire someone to come into your apartment and perform the proper measurements and hanging, parts and labor would cost you upwards of five hundred dollars (and that's just for one window).

And how much did it cost you?

$9.99

Today's lesson: Yes, it's American White Trash, but what the hell do you think IKEA is: Swedish Tiffany's? Think again.